DISCO SELLOUT!

By the late 1970s, the memo had come down from the music biz execs: make a disco record. Everyone, and we mean EVERYONE is hereby ordered to march into the studio and sing over anonymous lush orchestras, wah-wah guitars, congas, and female backing singers.  Yes, even you, Ol' Blue Eyes.  It's hot, it's commercial, you have no choice. 

And so we have here an assortment of some of the biggest names in music pounding their well-established square peg styles into the round hole of disco. Faded stars like Frankie Avalon, Petula Clark and Teresa Brewer remade their old hits inna disco stylee. EZ listening acts like Percy Faith, Andy Williams and Johnny Mathis figured this would be a way to squeeze onto rock-dominated charts. Leftover hippies like Country Joe McDonald and The Byrds cut new songs designed to get them back into the good graces of their old Baby Boomer audience, now living a coke-filled life of affluence. I suspect that some, like Ringo Starr, simply had nothing better to do. Toot toot, beep beep, ka-ching!

One of the great musical mysteries of my life is why I find old forgotten disco cheese so entertaining.  I never really liked disco in the first place, and I still couldn't care less about most of the big hits, e.g.: the Bee Gees, KC and the Sunshine Band, etc. But the hilarity of hearing utterly inappropriate material subjected to the disco treatment, the surrealism of the likes of Sinatra or The Beach Boys on the dance floor, the aura of pre-AIDS decadence, some genuinely impressive arrangements and powerful performances (Andy Williams kills it here), and yes, those exuberant rhythms all add up to tacky kitsch taken to almost Liberace-like levels. Plus, we have not had these songs pounded into our brains over the years/decades a la the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack.

DISCO SELLOUT

If for no other reason, download this for the incredible Country Joe McDonald song. Granted, he never struck me as being the most talented sort, but this song is the very definition of "wrongheaded."

Thanks to MadJon! He's the madman who gave us the worst of Sinatra collection.

In case you missed it: more disco sickness.  (I did two other thrift-store disco comps, but they got knocked off-line.)

L. Ron Hubbard & Friends "The Road To Freedom"

We interrupt our usual assortment of good music for this...this...well, it's a Scientology album, whaddya expect?  Following up on our "Joy of Creating" post: clunky amateurish lyrics, horribly dated '80s wimp-pop that makes Toto sound like the Ramones, vocals by b-list actors, brothers of celebrities, washed-up child stars, never-made-its, a children's chorus, and John Travolta...yep, it's another musical pep rally/indoctrination tool from America's wackiest cult, with a truly jaw-dropping vocal from El Ron himself. If you've never heard one of these Scientology albums, you should check one out, at least once (in fact, once is probably all you'll be able to take!) to really experience how far over the edge seemingly sensible people can go. As Travolta sings: "Reality is me, reality is you, yeah yeah yeah..."

Listen with horrified fascination here:

 

The Road To Freedom

 

All songs written by L. Ron Hubbard.

1. The Road To Freedom (w/Frank Stallone, Leif Garrett, John Travolta)

2. The Way To Happiness (w/Leif Garrett)

3. The Worried Being (w/failed soul singer Amanda Ambrose in a laughable approximation of funk)

4. The Evil Purpose (w/Frank Stallone)

5. Laugh A Little (the sound effects get disturbingly psychotic; I'm pretty sure that was not the intention)

6. The Good Go Free (Bang yer head! This one "rocks 'n' rolls" like John Tesh trying to go heavy metal.)

7. Why Worship Death? (jazz/prog with Chick Corea; Julia Migenes unleashes hair-raising operatic vox that will send animals scurrying)

8. Make It Go Right

9. The ARC Song (w/a straining John Travolta really trying to, y'know, emote; and Karen Black)

10. L'Envoi/Thank You For Listening (w/L. Ron Hubbard)

 

Much thanks to ma main Thetan Rich, from KillUglyRadio!

 

 

 

 

CURL ACTIVATE 2: More '80s Hip-Hop Novelties

This sequel to my first batch of novelty rap 12" singles can be enjoyed and/or appreciated on a number of levels, depending on how funny/funky/cheesy/awful you find them. And they certainly are an '80s time capsule. But they're also a bit of a corrective to the standard rock-crit history of hip-hop, which goes something like this: "Rappers Delight" kicks it all off, Grandmaster Flash's "The Message" brings in social commentary, Run-DMC make it a legit musical form, Public Enemy and BDP bring more social commentary and, along with N.W.A., express the seething rage of young black ghetto-dwellers. 

Riiiight. 



So what is the real story of hip-hop?  Certainly, the above Rolling Stone-approved history was part of it, but, like early rock, it was a genre for kids, and largely a singles medium (full-length albums were reserved for true 'artists.') Plenty of dance crazes, answer records, and comedy tunes. And I should know, I was one of those kids, listening to Compton's KDAY ("Cold rockin' the radio!"), yucking it up to the likes of The Fat Boys, Bobby Jimmy & The Critters, and The Fresh Prince before he adopted the bizarre stage name of 'Will Smith.' I thought it was plenty avant-garde, actually, what with the lack of singing, the human-beatboxing, electronics, turntables, sampling.  Seems totally obvious now, but at the time it was quite fresh and radical.  There had never been anything like it. 

This collection is indeed what much of the first decade of hip-hop consisted of: goofy novelty records, some by celebrities jumping on a trend, some by comedians, some by one-off opportunists, even some by actual rappers. No-one cared about "keepin' it real." It was, like garage-rock in the '60s, just a goof, a bit of fun not to be taken too seriously. After all, it's not like hip-hop was ever going to actually achieve mainstream popularity, right?

CURL ACTIVATE 2

1. The Qwarymen - Beatle Rap
2. Greg Poltrock / Rick Rumble - Mayberry Rap
3. Joe Piscopo/Eddie Murphy [& DJ D.S.T.] - Honeymooners Rap
4. Rodney Dangerfield - Rappin' Rodney
5. Shawn Brown - Rappin Duke (now you know what Biggie was referring to when he said "Remember 'Rappin Duke'/daw-ha daw-ha")
6. Elvira - Monsta Rap (technically, I think this came out in the early '90s, but boy, it sounds Eighties)
7. Hurt 'Em Bad - NBA Rap
8. Ron & DC Crew - Ronnie's Rap
9. Doonsbury Break Crew - Rap Master Ronnie
10. Bobby Jimmy & The Critters- Roaches (parody of the Timex Social Club hit "Rumors")
11. Dan Aykroyd & Tom Hanks - City of Crime (from the "Dragnet " soundtrack)
12. Eddie Murphy - Boogie in Your Butt
13. Hurt 'Em Bad - Boxing Game
14. Mel Brooks - Hitler Rap
15. Chicago Bears - Super Bowl Shuffle


Thanks to reader chuck for the suggestions - wish I could have found a copy of 'Contra Rap'! (And I'd kill for a copy of the Lakers rap record.)

SPRINGTIME FOR MUSSOLINI

Everything's always "Hitler this, Hitler that." What about Mussolini, huh? He was a bloodthirsty dictator, too! And he was Hitler's bud, eventually overthrown and killed by his own Italian countrymen, they hated him so. Well, not all of them. Like whoever started the mussolinibenito.net site (sign their guestbook!). Quite a generous assortment of pro-Fascism/Il Duce mp3s are found on the site - mostly music, but some speeches ("discorsi") as well. The music seems to consist of upbeat marches and rousing sing-alongs, e.g. "Allarmi siam Fascisti," which translates to "At arms, Fascists!" It's the kind of pre-caffeine anthem you need on a Monday morning.

 

This article details Il Duce's love of music.  He even played the fiddle.

 

CANZONI MP3 DELL' EPOCA FASCISTA - click on 'Canzoni MP3' in the left-hand column

There are also some Irish rebel songs on the bottom of the page. I don't know why.

 

(I tried to add info to the mp3 tags of the songs I downloaded, like 'Mussolini songs' or whatever, but it wouldn't let me. It's locked, I guess.  Buncha fascists...)

SPACE-AGE SANTA

William Shatner! Theremins! Daleks! Annoying child singers!  Truly, this is what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. 

If we must be subjected to Christmas music every year, at least let's make it bad/strange futuristic-y sci-fi songs. Space travel and Christmas - two things that have nothing to do with each other.  So why are there so many songs about both? Maybe cuz kids love 'em both. Or because Santa's reindeer routine was a wormhole-like traveling thru space/time? Or cuz everyone gets sick of "White Christmas" after a while? Regardless, here are 24 mainly '50s/'60s songs collected over the years, stuffed into one handy stocking:

SPACE-AGE SANTA
(Is this divshare business working?)
Space-Age Santa (Zippyshare)

These tunes are mostly off hopelessly obscure 45s, but I added artist info, if any

01 Hal Bradley Orch wPatty Marie Jay - SpaceAge Santa Claus
02 Zoot, Zoot, Zoot Here Comes Santa In His New Space Suit - Tiny Tim and Bruce Haack (as previously discussed)
03 Introduction-Hooray For Santa Claus - Miton DeLugg (from the badfilm classic "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians)
04 I Cloned Myself For Christmas - Neutron 606
05 Good King Wenceslas - Douglas Leedy (from a Buchla - not Moog - album from the late '60s that's all pretty cool, but this is the stand-out track.)
06 The Go Go's - I'm Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek (No, not those Go-Gos, this was a '60s British studio "group.")
07 Outer Space Santa - Lawrence Welk's Little Band
08 Santa and the Satellite - another proto-mashup from Buchanan & Goodman
09 Northern Telecom - I Want An OC192 For Christmas 
10 moog cookbook - santa claus is coming to town (time-traveling to the '90s for this nutty instro)
11 Tim Dinkins - Santa's Rocket
12 Take A Ride On Santa's Rocket - The Sounds Extraordinare
13 Bobby Helms - Captain Santa Claus (Yep, the "Jingle Bell Rock" guy)
14 Lothars - Oh Holy Night (great contemporary theremin group)
15 barry gordon - Zoomah the Santa Claus from Mars
16 The Servotron Evaluation of the Christmas Season
17 Fountains of Wayne - I Want an Alien for Christmas (more actual not-old music! From their 2005 album "Out-Of-State Plates")
18 a sonovox (a kind of '40s vocoder) version of "rudolph"
19 troy hess - christmas on the moon (singing 6 year with thick hick accent - OUCH)
20 William Shatner - Good King Wenceslas (hearing all the verses, recited in Captain Kirk's ponderous delivery, reminds me that I have no idea what the hell this song is about)
21 Scene 1 Come Rejoicing-Its The Very Best Time of The Year-Make A Joyful Noise (from a kiddie xian xmas album I found in a thrift-shop called "Christmas 2001 A Space-Age Adventure"; I actually digitized the whole thing, but, believe me, you don't need to hear it)
22 Christmas in the Stars (from the infamous "Star Wars Christmas" album; I also have this one on vinyl - featuring a young Jon Bon Jovi! - but you REALLY don't need to hear the whole thing)
23 MIT computer 1962 carols
24 Space Age Santa Claus - Gus de Wert Trio (Incredibly, a cover of track #1)

Thanks to J-Unit 1!

Mr. T's Commandments

Mr. T was made for love.  And if you don't believe me, watch him push someone down an elevator shaft in the vid below.

A pre-gangsta rap star Ice T worked on this album. I wonder if Mr. and Ice are related?  They share the same last name...

Back in my '80s boyhood, me and some friends saw Mr. T at a sporting event. One of the guys went up and asked him to autograph his program.  He just wrote a big "T".

Mr. T's Commandments (1984)

(After clicking the above link, scroll down for a choice of downloading options. You may have to wait a few secs.)

1. "Mr. T's Commandment" - 4:59
2. "Don't Talk to Strangers" - 5:12
3. "The Toughest Man in the World" - 3:55
4. "Mr. T, Mr. T (He Was Made for Love)" - 3:21
5. "The One and Only Mr. T" - 4:46
6. "No Dope No Drugs" - 4:36
7. "You Got to Go Through It" - 4:27
8. BONUS TRACK! Mr. T's Commandments (Instrumental)

White Men Can't Wrap

"Yo! - ladies and gentlemen - check this out!

White rap is a centuries-old tradition; the original white rappers were square-dance callers improvising rhymes for Saturday-night barn parties in America's rural bckwaters. Like today's rappers, they were seen as debauchers, imperiling the morals of the young. The fiddle was "the instrument of the devil"; church leaders banned it. The callers' freestyle rhymes teased with erotic innuendoes ("Duck for the oyster/Dig for the clam/Knock a hole in the old tin can").

The stuff they taught you in the grade-school gymnasium, that cornball mountain music with the do-si-dos - it was all about sex and forbidden behaviour! It was the roots of today's white rap culture. Herewith, a tribute."
Heh heh. The above is from Irwin Chusid's liner notes to this 1994 various-artists Rhino Records comp purporting to be the history of white rap. The presentation may be tongue-in-cheek, but the music is for real: an entertaining assortment of talking-blues, celebrity recitations-with-music, and oddball novelties from the 1950's to the '80s, many of which were actual hit singles. Fun stuff, from a grim Jack "Sgt. Friday" Webb attempting to be romantic, to all the country/western songs that were clearly laying the groundwork for such contemporary 'hick-hop' stars as Cowboy Troy and Colt Ford. And listening to "They're Coming to Take Me Away" again reminded me of what a truly deranged record that really was.

Spy Magazine Presents, Vol 2: White Men Can't Wrap

 

1. They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!-Napoleon XIV

2. Ringo-Lorne Greene ("The original white gangsta rap track")

3. Try A Little Tenderness-Jack Webb (from the 1958 album "You're My Girl: Romantic Reflections by Jack Webb")

4. Hot Rod Lincoln-Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen

5. Psychopathia Sexualis-Lenny Bruce (the famed 'sick' comic does a Beat jazz/poetry kinda thing about beastiality)

6. Big Bad John-Jimmy Dean

7. Full Metal Jacket-Abigail Mead & Nigel Goulding (Featuring the drill inspector from Kubrick's 1987 film)

8. Convoy-C.W. McCall

9. It Ain't Me Babe-Sebastian Cabot (from an entire album of the portly actor's Dylan interpretations)

10. Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That Cigarette)-Phil Harris

11. The Rain In Spain-Rex Harrison, Julie Andrews, Robert Coote

12. Deck Of Cards-Tex Ritter

R.I.P.: Randy 'Macho Man' Savage

Pro wrestling legend Randy 'Macho Man' Savage just died in an auto accident, it was announced today. Which makes now as good a time as any to post his rap album from 2003.

Yes, you read that right. This ridiculous album makes no sense on any number of levels, but one particularly curious thing about it is that fact that it came out so long after the peak of Savage's (and wrestling's) '80s popularity, and the heyday of '80s novelty rap. By the '90s, hip-hop was mostly overrun by gangstas, and the dubious prospect of an entire album by a rapping wrestler seemed even more ludicrous by 2003. At least this album isn't quite as bad as the one Dee Dee Ramone made - one of the the world's great rock 'n' rollers was, as Dee Dee King, the world's worst rapper, making Vanilla Ice sound like Ice Cube.

Needless to say, Savage's gruff, mush-mouthed vocals are no treat, and his lyrics are laughably lame - imagine, a 50-something white guy rapping about chillin' in the club with his crew and gettin' with the ladies, when he isn't dissing Hulk Hogan (ha!) and boasting about his wrestling prowess. He even has a dead-homie song. The music tries to be relevant with hard-rock guitars trying to pump up the tracks like an athlete's body on steroids. R'n'b chicks crooning absurd lovey-dovey lyrics attempt to up the sexy romance (?!) quotient, and actual known figures from the hip-hop world like DJ Kool show up to collect a paycheck and perhaps inject some "street" credibility into the mess. Just when I start to ask myself, "Why the hell am I listening to this abortion?," Savage drops another rhyme so mind-bogglingly dumb that I find myself compelled to keep listening. Be a man, I tell myself. R U ready? Feel the madness!!!!

Randy Macho Man Savage - Be A Man

1. Intro
2. I'm Back
3. R U Ready
4. Hit the Floor
5. Let's Get It On
6. Remember Me
7. Tear It Up
8. Macho Thang
9. Be a Man
10. Get Back
11. Feel the Madness
12. What's That All About
13. Gonna Be Trouble
14. Perfect Friend

ROCKIN' DISCO SANTA CLAUS

Our busy elf helper windbag sent a us batch of singles, including a Christmas disco one, which inspired me to root thru my own disco/old school archives to pull out my fave 12" and vinyl yuletide artifacts. Totally kitschy, funky and, tho sometimes awful, always awfully fun.

01 Wayne Newton - Jingle Bell Hustle
02 Santa's Disco Band - Xmas Medley Disco
03 Charo - Mamacita (Donde Esta Santa Claus)
04 Walter Murphy Orch - Disco Bells
05 Irwin The Disco Duck - Disco Duck II
06 The Sisterhood - The Rocking Disco Santa Claus [the one track I did get off a cd, the crucial Song-Poem Christmas album]
07 Walter Murphy Orch - Deck The Halls
08 Kurtis Blow - Christmas Rappin' [from 1979! pre-"Rapper's Delight"?]
09 Santa's Disco Band - Santa Claus is Coming To Town Disco
10 The Treacherous Three - Xmas Rap (Un-Censored)

ROCKIN' DISCO SANTA CLAUS

VLADIMIR POOTIN'

Yes, this recent video of Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin plunking out the piano line and singing "Blueberry Hill" at a star-studded charity dinner has been getting mainstream press coverage, but if you all ignore as much of the mainstream media as I do, you might not have caught it. It would have gone great on my "Politics of Dancing" collection of politicians' atrocious musical moments.

I was amazed to see that James Brown's main man Maceo Parker was leading the band. Did they do any JB remakes? "Living in America" could have been "Living in St. Petersburg;" "Please, Please, Please" could be "Borscht, Borscht, Borscht." "I Got Vodka (I Feel Good)." "Papa's Got A Brand New Invasion of Chechnya." Oh yeah. I got a million of 'em, folks.



Another weird thing about this: backup singers I understand, but during the spoken-word part, he has backup talkers.

DRACULA SINGS!

No, not Bela Lugosi. But how great would that have been? "Bela Does Broadway"..."Doin' The Twist With Bela Lugosi"...Alas! It never happened. But Christopher Lee has a new-ish album out, and at 87 years of age, he's practically as old as Dracula himself.

Charlemagne: By the Sword & The Cross is billed as a heavy metal/symphonic album but, really, it sounds more Broadway than anything else. And, as if you couldn't tell by the album/song titles, it's a concept album, set it medieval times. Christopher Lee goes campy epic metal? Totally rad, of course. How could it not be? A monumental kitsch epic.

No, he doesn't wail like Ozzy, but he really does sing. Well, sorta. He tries.

Christopher Lee: Act IV - The Age of Oneness Out Of Diversity

OBAMARAH

Don't know who this Radio Crack fella is, but he's got lots of media cut-ups/sound collages. And they don't get much funnier then this one, featuring the world's most powerful person. And Barack Obama.

Radio Crack: Obamarah

WOLF VS. WHALE! SPOCK VS. THE SUNDANCE KID!

Yes, it's a steel- cage death match between two celebrity-narrated "singing" animal eco-kitsch albums. In this corner:

From 1984, inspired by a "Star Trek" film, Leonard Nimoy on ponderous narration, humpback whales on vocals, Paul Winter and Roger Payne on jazz/orchestral music:

"Whales Alive" - rather nice and soothing undersea sounds for these dog days of summer

And in this corner...

From 1971, Robert Redford on indifferent, occasionally incorrect narration (wolves have never killed man?), wolves on vocals. Halloween spooky.

The Language and Music of the Wolves

Who will win? Why, you the listener, of course!

Both of these fine selections are courtesy of one of this blogs best-est pals, windbag. Thanks, dood, live long & prosper and whatnot.

THE POLITICS OF DANCING

Some really, really bad songs featuring politicians singing, rapping, playing instruments, or song writing... some really, really funny songs about (or, better yet, sampling the voices of) politicians...and Bill Clinton's brother...

We go from America to the UK, Australia, Austria, Afghanistan...All posted here over the years, all knocked off-line in my Great Computer Meltdown of 2010, all thrown into one zip folder so I don't have to re-up 'em all one by one.

THE POLITICS OF DANCING

1. Arnold Schwarzenegger - It's Raining Men
2. Bill Clinton - Summertime
3. BudtheWeiser - Blair Drinks A Rockit
4. Burka Band - Burka Blue
5. FEMA - For Kidz Rap
6. George W Bush Singers - Embetterment Ingrinable
7. Winston Churchill and the Band from the Future - Lift Up Your Hearts
8. HC Strache - Oesterreich Zuerst
9. John Ashcroft - Let The Eagle Soar
10. Larry Shannon Hargrove - Leave Bill Clinton Alone
11. Orrin Hatch - The Country of the Free
12. Phil Kline - Rumsfeld Song
13. RIAA - Wake Me Up When Sept 11 Ends
14. Roger Clinton - Brother Brother
15. rx - dick is a killer
16. rx - imagine a walk on the wild side
17. Gene Marshall - God Bless Richard Nixon [song-poems]
18. Gene Marshall - Hail The Chief
19. Gene Marshall - President Richard Nixon
20. Gene Marshall - Richard Nixon In '76
21. Gene Marshall - The Great Richard Nixon
22. Wax Audio - You Better Run You Better Take Cover

SWINGIN' WITH DR. DEATH

I'm pretty sure this is the first album I've posted by a musician who has killed 130 people. And I don't mean in the usual performer's "I killed last night" sense, either.

Jack "Dr. Death" Kevorkian, famous for his assisted-suicide activism, is back in the news again. He's promoting a new book about over-population (gee, I wonder what his solution is..?) and recently told a radio interviewer that he has no problem with teen or soldier suicides. So he's just all about killing in general now, it seems.

But he's always been a weird death-obsessed guy. I mean, have you seen his paintings? A talented artist you must admit, and it goes beyond painting - he's also an accomplished jazz flute and organ player as well. In 1997 he released an album with a band dubbed the Morpheus Quintet, named after the god of sleep. That's some sense of humor, eh?

Jack Kevorkian & the Morpheus Quintet "Very Still Life"

The album's pianist/arranger Jean Paul Monsché seems to be most well known for his wedding-band type music service (near as I can tell), but his backing band include members of hip L.A. combo Jump With Joey. So this is no "smooth jazz," but it is pretty chilled. The opening track is a waltz that recalls Angelo Badalamenti's David Lynch scores (Jump With Joey actually played on Lynch's "Inland Empire" soundtrack), and the next couple tunes are fairly funky. One song has scratchy vinyl record sound effects for some reason. The brief "interludes" are just Jack, overdubbed, jammin' with his bad flutey self. The final hidden track, however, is a churchly organ solo. A perfectly pleasant listen for an overcast morning.

1		Whispering, Came Violets	3:44
2		Summertooth	4:30
3		Brotherhood Of	3:56
4		A Very Still Life	3:05
5		August To Amber	4:08
6		Fuguetta Caffeine	2:39
7		Interlude: Unfinished Minuet	1:12
8		In Strange Loops	2:58
9		Back At Abby's	3:53
10		Interlude: Gavat	0:38
11		Geoff's Mood	3:02
12		Une Lettre De Jean/Hidden Track

The album was released in one run of 5000 copies, and original copies are going for big bucks now.

BOSTON SUCKS! BOSTON SUCKS!

No offense to my Boss-Town peeps, it's just a basketball thing. Us fans of the Los Angeles Lakers love it when our team wins the NBA Finals, but when they beat Boston to get there, oooh, it's just that much better. Bwahahahaaa!

So let's celebrate the Laker's latest championship title the way we celebrate everything around here at M4M: with some really weird, bad music.

Ron Artest: "Michael Michael" - Artest played a great Game 7; made a jaw-droppingly awful Michael Jackson tribute song; not at the same time. He actually thanked his psychiatrist after the game last night. Um hmm...

NBA "Where Clutch Happens" - I recorded the audio for this commercial off the video; features the sampled voice of the Finals MVP Kobe Bryant auto-tuned to nice effect; it's actually a pretty catchy little tune.

There's a million rap songs celebrating Bryant and the current Lakers team by everyone from Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg down to the most rank amatuer rapper. But the Laker tribute song tradition began in the '80s during the reign of Earvin "Magic" Johnson and the "Showtime" Laker team, producing records that ran from cheezy/goofy:

Onaje Murray "Hoop Troop (Lakers)" - from his otherwise serious funky jazz album, "I Hear A Samba"

to the spectacularly tasteless and hilarious:

Niki Rios: "Thank You Magic" - A 9-year-old girl attempts to tug at our heartstrings with this epic ballad; If Magic Johnson wasn't already HIV-positive, this would have really sickened him.

The "Curl Activate: '80s Novelty 12" Singles" collection I posted a couple years ago featured some other home-brew basketball/Lakers records, including a good one sampling the late great announcer Chick Hearn, the voice of the Lakers. After Chickie died, this solo acoustic folk atrocity was released in tribute:

Swamp Donkey "Golden Throat" - Reminiscent of Neil Innes' Bob Dylan parody, but of course, I don't think this one is supposed to be funny.


(Thanks to ma home-slice IVOR for heppin' me to the "Thank You Magic" magic.)
t

SONGS FROM THE SEWER

Teenagers in the '50s were all hip rockabilly rebels, while their parents where strictly squares-ville, daddy-o. Right? Wrong. As evidenced by this stupendous collection, compiled by Windbag, a good friend of this here blog, no-one really knew what the hell rock 'n 'roll was all about when it first hit an uncomprehending public. Was it simply swing aimed at teenagers? Goofy novelty records? Easy-listening songs with "rock" in the lyrics? Many of these tracks, all rescued from 45s, came out on major labels based far from Memphis, desperate to get in on the phenomenon, and willing to throw anything at the teen market to see what stuck. Much of it sounds awfully white in it's attempts to bleach out the whole Negro-ness of rock.

SONGS FROM THE SEWER

Apart from this, miscellaneous exotic/novelty/oddities/atrocities are strewn throughout the mix. Windbag's notes [my notes in brackets]:

"Little Blue Man" Betty Everett on Atlantic. Hugh Downs (tv journalist) is the other voice on this disc. Apparently an embarrassment for him. [Classic flying saucer novelty!]

"To Old To Dance The Rock 'n' Roll" Patty Andrews on Capital (of the Andrews Sisters) [Reminds me of Nat King Cole's "Mr Cole Won't Rock 'n' Roll"]

"I Walk The Line" Carole Bennett on Capitol [If Johnny Cash wasn't dead, this woulda killed him.]

"Black Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots" Edith Piaf on Capitol. A Leiber & Stoller song in French.

"The Teenage March" Carlson's Raiders on Capitol

"The Return of a Soldier" Ric King on Capitol. Lex De Acevedo (also known as David Axelrod) on the label credits. A "talky" song along the lines of "Open Letter To My Teenage Son" travesty by Victor Lundberg.

"Cootie Wootie" Tommy Sands on Capitol.

"Tokyo Boogie Woogie" Columbia Tokyo Orchestra on Columbia. I think this song turned up on "M.A.S.H."

"My Baby Rocks Me" Rosemary Clooney on Columbia. This is the "dirty" version before she and Columbia realized that they made a white pop version of a song about f...ing. They re-recorded it after cleaning up the lyrics. Check out the [original] version of the song on the COPULATING BLUES album.

"Song of the Sewer" Art Carney on Columbia. John Lithgow did a passable version of this on a recent CD.

"Rock 'n' Roll Mops" Henri Cording with Big Mike & His Parisian Rockets. A pseudonym for Henry Salvador, well-known French singer (Celine Dion recorded with him not that long ago). Other side of the Columbia 45 is "Hiccough Rock) Rock-Hoquet)" [Aw, man, I gotta hear that!]

"Rock-A-Billy" Guy Mitchell on Columbia. So someone stamped Elvis and all his copiers as perjorative "rockabillies" and this pop artist tried to cash in with a song title. This is to "rockabilly" what square-dance records are to honky-tonk. I didn't include his later "If You Ever Go Away (I'll Go Out And Eat Some Worms)" 45; I thought this was enough.

"Rock Around the Island" The Lancers on Coral. The Lancers vocal group backed Kay Starr on several Capitol sides. This was a song from a movie "The Lieutenant Wore Skirts."

"Rhythm & Blues" The McGuire Sisters on Coral.

"Teenage Meeting" Don Cornell on Coral. Songwriting credit has Alan Freed as the #3 credit on the label.

"Rock This Joint" Lola Ameche on Mercury. I think this is a pop version of a Bill Haley song?

"The Polka Rock" Angele NcNeill on Prep (Capitol subsidiary label). [Reminds me of Annette Funicello's "Rock-A-Polka"...still think '50s teens were such rockabilly hepcats? They wanted to POLKA!]

"Rockin' Shoes" The Ames Brothers on RCA.

"Pineapple Rock" Claude Gordon & His Orch on Warner Bros. Songwriting credit shows Billy May.

"Ko Ko Mo" Perry Como on RCA. Billboard ad at the time: "He Rocks! He Rolls! Perry Como!" or words to that effect, circa 1954. [Hey, it hit #2 on the charts Jan '55, so plenty of kids apparently thought that he did indeed Rock! and Roll!]

"Bad Bad Leroy Brown" Frank Sinatra on Reprise. 1974-ish, charted around the bottom of Billboard. I like the final gruff Sinatra comments at the end of the song. [There's a great version of Stevie's "You Are The Sunshine of My Life" off that same Sinatra album.]

"Rockabilly Party" Hugo & Luigi on Roulette. These guy's schtick was the "cascading voices..." albums on Roulette and RCA. On this turkey, it's one of those list songs - those 1956 rock 'n 'roll artists. [Ha! Maybe the most ludicrous thing on here - Mitch Miller? Andy Williams? Just what is their definition of 'rockabilly'?!]

"Moscow Cha Cha Cha" Kay Thompson on Signature. I only recently found out this c.1959-60 45 was by THE Kay Thompson, Liza Minelli's godmother and author of those Eloise kids' books. From the height of the Cold War, and the flip was "Dasvidanya."

"I Can't Help It (If I'm Still In Love With You") Ray Odom on Torino. I believe an indie vanity record. When you play it, you'll know why.

A million thankyous to Windbag, who has sent plenty of other goodies my way that I hope to get to in the future. (Although you might not want to thank him after you've heard the final track on this collection...)

Songs for the Jogging Crowd

Vic Mizzy just died at age 93, so let's listen to his now out-of-print album of (mostly) new songs he just recorded a few years ago. Apart from versions of two of his most famous TV theme songs, "The Addams Family" and "Green Acres," he sings original, mostly light-hearted songs about his everyday life - ladies playing tennis, his Hollywood social circle, barbecuing, some sentimental songs, and yes, jogging. From his liner notes to his ode to running, "The Huff and Puff Song" (one of the album's catchiest tunes): "...with my pacemaker recently installed and further refined to change the arrhythmias, everything I was composing lately began sounding like a tango. And so I wrote this song."

We don't hear much music about elderly life cuz that's considered uncool, and musicians are supposed to remain young forever - hence, the Rolling Stones-like look of dyed hair and personal-trainer-thin bodies.

So if Mizzy wasn't a Hollywood legend, it's doubtful that anyone would put have out this charming album, especially with his singing voice, which is more like an old vaudeville comedian croaking out a routine then a "real" singing voice. But I'm glad it was released. The simple bouncy songs make Mizzy sound less like a music pro then a genial grandparent on his electric keyboard singing to you in his living room, e.g.: his version of the "Green Acres" theme isn't a remake - it's just him singing over the original version!

Vic Mizzy: Songs for the Jogging Crowd
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1. Name Dropping
2. The Huff And Puff Song
3. It's Your Ad, Sylvia
4. Stay Awhile
5. I Belong To Somebody Else
6. Dance, Granny, Dance [bluegrass/disco fusion!]
7. When Your Dreams Are Younger Than You
8. Don't Forget, Baby Baby
9. My Kaleidoscope
10. Merry Xmas, Hollywood
11. Green Acres
12. The Addams Family
13. Spider Man 2 theme